When the head goes all hot

Leonny – Singapore

 

I’ve had people saying to me how they thought I seem to hardly ever ‘lose my temper’ when it comes to dealing with my kids.

Well, have I ever?

Of course!

As much as I know I should always try and be cool-headed when dealing with my kids’ tantrums and ‘emotionally-tempting’ situations, there are times when I DO feel really angry, annoyed and frustrated.

So far, I see myself losing my temper more towards Anya’s difficult behaviour though (rather than towards Vai – who I feel at his current age – has not really started giving me intentional difficult attitudes YET)

And I guess it’s because being a four year old girl she sometimes goes through difficult phases, like when she asserts her wants unreasonably, throws tantrums without any apparent reason, whines endlessly or chooses to intentionally not ‘listen’.

Like when we’re rushing out and she’s YET to finish her glass of milk, despite my endless reminders to finish it all up quickly, and AFTER holding the glass for the past THIRTY minutes!

Last Monday was an ‘emotionally bad’ day for me.

I have urgent jobs to clear that afternoon and as the pressure of deadlines started to get to me, I waited for both kids to take their afternoon naps so I could work.

But.

Anya refused to nap, made crying noises and WOKE Vai who’s already napping at the time! (after that, both didn’t nap for the rest of the day)

A string of other incidents happened afterwards that basically turned me into a very very grumpy Mom!

In fact I was rather consistently mad and grumpy for some three hours or so. I was irritated and frustrated by Anya’s disobedience, however minor. I yelled and raised my voice. I was really emotional.

Wilson came home earlier than usual (thank goodness!) and as I shared what’s happened, I had an emotional meltdown within two minutes.

I felt bad, tired and frustrated.

Yes, Anya needed to be told off firmly when she misbehaved earlier that day, but I realised I got mad at her more than I should. I yelled over things that actually were not THAT bad.

When Anya came to see us in the bedroom, I carried and let her sit on my lap. I gently spoke to her while hugging her tight, telling her how I love her very much, how I always feel sad whenever she intentionally doesn’t listen to what I say and how it’s because I love her that I need to discipline her when she misbehaves.

I said it all with so much love, so much tears.

Looking back, these are my reflections.

I realised that my emotionally bad day was mostly triggered by work pressure and my monthly hormones!

And although I accept the fact that it’s perfectly normal for us parents to go through such an emotional roller coaster ourselves (being human and all), I personally don’t think it’s hence an acceptable and valid excuse for us to ‘throw tantrums’ at our kids.

Yes, we should firmly rebuke and teach our kids when they misbehave, but we should do it proportionately (ie. according to the level of their mistake)

And this was where I failed that day.

Yes I felt bad, but I think when such days happen to us parents, we shouldn’t blame ourselves endlessly.

I feel we should :

– carefully introspect ourselves, reflect upon what’s happened and work out the main cause of it (so we can continually learn to be more mindful of our own behaviour and have better self-control in the future).

– on the same day, have a close heart-to-heart talk with our child and assure her of our love.

For my case, I prayed for God’s forgiveness too, asking for extra strength and wisdom to carry out my duty, my privilege, as a Mom to the two little ones whom He’s entrusted.

Hmm.

The continual learning journey of motherhood.

The ups and downs of parenting.

 

From: http://www.oureverydaythings.com/2008/03/when-the-head-goes-all-hot/

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