When Good Friends Turn Bad

Nuni – Melbourne

Wah seneng banget ya jika dalam hidup ini kita diberi temen-2 yang baik dan awet dalam relationship. Tapi tidak semudah teori banyak hal yang membuat pertemanan kita berakhir tanpa kesan ( jadi inget ‘tiada kesan tanpa kehadiran Anda’ ).

GoodFriends

Banyak hal yang membuat persahabatan renggang, di antaranya:
1. Waktu dan jarak yang memisahkan ( elo di mana gue di mana ).
2. Perbedaan interest dan visi/misi (bukan hanya pasangan  ternyata).
3. Kesibukan kedua belah pihak (yang satu sudah berderet anaknya, yang satu lagi menanjak karirnya….judulnya jadi tidak nyambung jek!)
4. Ada selisih/masalah yang tidak tuntas .
5. Yang satu sudah punya temen-2 baru yg lebih asyik, lupa deh sama temen lama yang pertama kali dia kenal jaman jebot dulu (yang ini judulnya kacang lupa sama kulit).
6. Mungkin ada sedikit/banyak jealousy ( konon ini sudah jamak dari dulu) .
7. Salah ngomong (nah ini nih yg berabe, tidak bisa disetip/dihapus kecuali minta maaf).
8. Yang satu menganggap yang lain ‘BERUBAH’ misal, dia sekarang jadi WONDERWOMAN ya, atau BATMAN, SUPERMAN….Ih kamu kok berubah sih, sudah berbeda….sementara yang satu merasa biasa-2 saja, gue ngak berubah, cuman karena tuntutan sikon/situasi kondisi menjadikan dia seperti itu, manusia yang menyikapi zaman istilah kerennya (bener loh suerrr deh, loh kok?:)

good-friends-never-say-good-bye

Lagian biasa kan jika dalam pertemanan mungkin saja ada yg pinter, 1/2 pinter dan agak kurang tanggap/cepet berpikir. Juga manusia adalah makhluk yang selalu berubah/dinamis oleh waktu, kehidupan…so jangan berharap terlalu banyak juga kali yeee. Nyantai dikit untuk urusan pertemanan mungkin itu lebih bermanfaat, biar tidak dikit-2 ah capek deh.

Akhirnya kalau kita lagi berselisih, mungkin sebaiknya memakai senjata ampuh berikut ini (falsafah Jawa) yang sudah terkenal keampuhannya: Nglurug tanpo bolo, Sekti tanpo aji, Sugih tanpo bondo, Menang tanpo ngasorake. Bertempur tanpa pasukan/kekerasan, Sakti tanpa menunjukkan, Kaya tanpa harta , dan Menang ( kalo lagi di atas angin tetep down to earth/anteng saja gitchu loh/biasa aja napa ).

Ya sudah apapun masalahnya, yuks, kita coba membenahinya sesuai artikel yang barusan saya baca, WHEN GOOD FRIENDS TURN BAD!.

Sydney psychologist Geoffrey Ballard says, when relationship gets to such a stage (brake down) the friendship is already over . It’s just pretence on one side of the relationship. That person needs to tell the other person how they feel. It can done by letter, email, but face to face is better. This then provides an opportunity for a renewal and more rewarding friendship.

Then, he says: failed friendship not only makes your life miserable, but can also threaten your success at work, or even undermine your relationship with your partner.

Everyone is capable of taking their frustrations out on the people they care about the most. But if a friend regulary unsupportive and critical, it may be time to reconsider the relationship! That is the first step to recognize there is a problem.

The second step is to take relationship by asking yourself, if you allowing your friend to hurt you. Then asking other friends, preferably people who don’t have a vested interest, IF they think THE FRIENDSHIP IS WORTH SAVING???

Ballard then added, friendship requires time and communication in an ongoing conversation (Komunikasi 2 arah penting, tidak mau kita terus yang aktif, yang sono ngak niat mulu, it takes 2 to tango). Ending a friendship well also requires a conversation. But it needs to be entered into only when you have reflected on the past and what it has meant to you and you aware of the possible consequences.

But if friends have grown apart and have nothing in common, acknowledge that fact and move on!! ( Cari yang baru yang bener-2 saling mengerti, memahami dan tidak asal pertemanan yang dangkal, biar asal awet dan kualitas!)

DON’T BE A TOXIC FRIEND!

1. Respect your friends’ and neighbors’ private lives. Don’t show up on someone’s doorstep without calling first.
2. Be careful what you say. An offhand remark, such as "You look tired today, can be hurtful.
3. Be honest without being hurtful. Don’t tell people only what you think they want to hear.
4. Loyalty is very important in any relationship.
5. KEEP TRACK OF BIRTHDAY and ANNIVERSARY.
6. Be supportive in times of distress and ask your friends for help when you’re in need.
7. DON’T MAKE NEGATIVE COMMENTS ABOUT A FRIEND’S SPOUSE, CHILDREN, WEIGHT or AGE.
8. DON’T TAKE FRIENDS FOR GRANTED. Having an easygoing relationship doesn’t mean taking advantage of someone else’s kindness.

WHY END A FRIENDSHIP?

The author of Etiquette for Dummies, Sue Fox says if you’re constantly being hurt or taken advantage of by a friend, you have 3 options.
1. Try to be patient, listen to them and continue to support them.
2. Without being hurtful, be honest with them about how they make you feel by writing a letter.
3. Let them know how you feel while being aware that you may be risking the relationship.

Ok, good luck 4 everyone, wish you already get the best one (at least)!

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